The Hustler
by Halfred Askold
Summary: There is a song called The Hustler by Mel McDaniels. I have always thought about putting the gang into that song. So here it is. Yes, this is Shenny. No I don't own TBBT or The Hustler song.


Yes, this is a Shenny! Don't like, don't is a favorite song of mine from the late Mel McDaniels called The Hustler. For some reason I thought it would be fun to put our favorite gang into it. I don't own TBBT, or the song The Hustler by Mel McDaniel. I hope I did the song justice by putting the gang into it. 

It was a cool night in Dallas, at the Southside Nine-Ball Palace, when Leonard Hoffsteder stepped in off the sidewalk, with his pool cue in his hand. As he made his way in, he was surprised at how clean the place was. A lot of wood and chrome that seemed to shine in the evening sun coming through the windows. The air was clean and fresh in here and as he passed the pool tables, all were in excellent conditions; almost as if they were brand new, though from the style they were not.

No matter.

Stepping up to the bar, he noticed a very attracted blond tending to a few customers. She made her way over and smiled, "Welcome. What may I get you?"

Leonard smiled and thought, 'Our babies would be smart and beautiful,' but answered, "I've come for Texas Slim. We're going to shoot 9-ball, me and him. And tonight we're going to see who is the better man. I've heard he used to be the best, and I've already beaten all the rest, from New York to Chicago and L.A. They say that he's the king of hustlers; some old time Texas pool hall rustler."

Her smile seems to drop a bit as she pointed with her chin to a table in the corner, off by itself, "Over there. I'll get him."

As she moved through a doorway by the bar, Leonard followed her with his gaze; she wore modest shorts, exposing her long, tanned legs and her red and yellow t-shirt was nicely filled out. As he made his way over to the table, low hanging lights lit up the red felt covered pool table.

Getting his cue out of its case, he thought back to what he knew of Texas Slim. They said he was the king of hustlers, an old time pool hall rustler. He was eccentric but brilliant when it came to the game. Though for the last few years he had stayed off the circuit, leading some to believe that he had lost a step or two. This place was where he played.

Looking around the place, Leonard saw a lot of comic and superhero memorabilia. Instead of going for the sports look, this place seemed to be more for the masked superheroes; which wasn't too surprising thought Leonard. Marvel movies, Spiderman, the Arrow, the Flash; that was what was popular now, so it only made since to cash in on the wave and ride it for as long as it was profitable. He walked around and was leaning in closer to a framed napkin that seemed to be signed by…

"You want a game."

It was not a question but a statement. Leonard saw a tall man outside the pool of light by the table.

"Are you Slim?"

"_Texas_ Slim. Yes."

"Then yes, I want a game."

"It's been a long time, since I shot pool with anyone. But I'll play you one game, if that is the way you feel." He was a pitiful looking man, gaunt. He had a three-day growth of a beard and was wearing plaid pants with a long sleeve shirt, and a short sleeve on top of that, though it wasn't that cold. As he stood there looking at Leonard, the long-haired beauty appeared with a tray that held a shot glass of something. Texas Slim's hand shook and he seemed to twitch as he picked it up, downing it in one motion.

"I've come to take for all you got Slim; and it doesn't matter that it's not a lot. Just to show you I'm a sporting man, you can have the break." Leonard said a little harshly.

Then a smile crossed the face of the blonde and some slight chuckles could be heard. Leonard turned and saw two men; a short man in a Monkee's style haircut, wearing a turtleneck, who had been playing pool at the closet table with a dark-skinned man. Both were grinning.

A tall brunette, in jeans and cowboy boots, wearing the establishment's read and yellow t-shirt, along with a name tag that said "Manager" approached the table.

"If you're playing Slim…_Texas _Slim," she corrected quickly, "the House gets a cut. A thousand a game."

Leonard pulled out his money clip and peeled off ten, one hundred-dollar bills. He couldn't believe there was another gorgeous woman here. The manager took the bills and stuffed them down her shirt while she smiled at Leonard.

'If I don't have a shot with the blond, then maybe this tall brunette…' he thought as he tore his eyes away from her cleavage and looked up at her. Leonard said over his shoulder, "Can you afford the bet?"

The manager answered, "The house will match any amount."

Leonard nodded and held up the clip, "Five thousand a ball."

"Blossom will hold the bet until after the game." A much shorter woman came up from the side. Leonard turned and could actually look at the new brunette in the eyes. Her eyes were wide behind the glasses, and she was attractive enough as she held out her hand. Leonard smiled at her, while she looked over her glasses at Leonard and did not smile.

Leonard tore his gaze away from all the women that just seemed to keep appearing and looked back at the table. Another short woman racked the balls. She also had a pretty face a nice body. 'No wonder Slim likes playing here.'

When she was done, she put the triangle rack under the table and went over and stood by the Monkee haircut guy. He put his arms possessively around her as he stared at Leonard. 'Oh well, can't win them all' he thought as he picked up some chalk and examined the tip of his cue.

Slim took down his custom inlaid pool cue from its stand, "I heard you were coming; with your pockets full and your mouth running. Now I'm going to show you who is the better man."

All Leonard heard was the cue ball crack, and nine-balls fall. He kept his run until all Leonard's money was gone. Blossom handed the money clip to Sheldon who handed it to the blonde.

Leonard had run out of money, but he wasn't done yet, "You've taken all my money. But how about one last game; I'll bet my car against your fancy stick." He threw his car keys onto the table, "2018 Tesla Model X P100d."

Slim looked at Leonard and sighed, "It won't matter, I'll still win."

"Lets's make it a little more interesting: you use a standard pool cue that I choose for you."

"It still won't matter."

Leonard smiled a little, "What's the matter? Afraid that not being able to use your favorite stick, will throw of your game?"

Leonard could tell that he had hit a nerve. Slim's eyes glowed like two ice cubes, "Fine." And he handed his custom cue to the pretty blonde bartender. As she was setting it back onto its stand, Leonard said, "And for every ball I sink, I get a kiss from her."

"Unacceptable!" Slim exclaimed.

"Sweetie, it's ok," she said coming over and patting his arm. "He'll never get a one."

Leonard smirked; he knew he rattled Slim with that. He saw the dark-skinned man whispering into the other man's ear. The short man was nodding and then said, "And if Slim wins, we also get your pants."

A bunch of 'oooohs' could be heard. Slim's outrage face took on that of the Joker's grin. It was not a pleasant one. "I like that. Would you prefer if I put that in writing to make sure you do not go back on your word, or are you chicken?"

Leonard could feel his face get red, "Done. I give you my word."

Slim nodded.

Leonard went over to the racks mounted on the wall. He was looking for the worst, most bowed cue he could find. He hoped that it might make a difference in how Slim played. As he looked, he couldn't see one that was not perfect. How could everything look so clean and new?

Sighing, he just picked one at random and went back to corner table. He noticed they had drawn a few more. A very tall man and a shorter woman stood together, holding darts. Obviously, they had been playing but had stopped to watch this final battle. A tall, well built red head was obviously there to watch the final match. He smiled at her, and got a small, but not friendly smile in return. She moved over to the dark-skinned man and put her arms around him, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. 'Geez,' Leonard thought, 'I just can't catch a break.'

Slim accepted the cue from Leonard and said, "We'll lag for the break."

Leonard sighed. While he had hopped that Slim would let him break first, he knew this was a fair way to determine who went first. They both shot a cue ball down to the end and as they rolled back, he thought he had a shot. But Slim's ball was closer to the rail.

"I break." Slim said. Leonard took a new look at him. Gone was any kind of shakes or twitches. And though still tall and lanky, his movements were sure. On the break Slim got two balls in. Leonard swallowed hard.

It finally came down to the last shot.

"Left corner pocket," Slim said.

Leonard couldn't believe it. Slim was going out of his way to put the 9-ball into a hard pocket with a difficult shot. He was making that cue ball go around and around the table until finally striking the ball and knocking it into the pocket.

"How?" Leonard said taking off his pants. He was gad he wore his long black jockey shorts.

Slim stood up and glared down at him, "When you have a working knowledge of the universe, anything is possible."

Leonard handed his pants over, making sure he still had his wallet and cell phone. Watching the diminutive man schedule an Uber, Slim looked at Leonard with those eyes of ice and said, "Let me leave with this advice. To ponder as you make your way back home. 'Don't make it look too easy when you break. Get all the money on the table, take your time to chalk and aim. Don't take pity on them, just take them. And if you can't afford to lose, then you should never play the game."

"Thanks," Leonard said in a low voice. He decided to wait outside.

The assembled group watched him go. The tall man holding the darts said, "When will they ever learn?" Though he obviously had a speech impediment, he could still be understood. His short female companion replied, "I like the idea of strip pool. Perhaps Barry, we could do strip Darts?" Smiling at her he took her hand and the two left.

Slim just shook his head as he watched them go. They were very accomplished dart players but in no way in his league when it came to pool. Though he could hold his own in darts, it was not a field he chose to explore. Turning to Monkee haircut man, "Howard did you get all of the game recorded?"

Giving his lady a kiss on the cheek he came over, "Yep. Although I would recommend not including the pants thing. No one wants to see that."

"Agreed. How many hits and how much do you think we'll make off this one?"

"I think you should post the strip pool game." The blond bartender said.

"Why?" Asked Slim.

"It's funny as Hell; especially when that little homunculus lost. Also, it might build up a trend or following. We could do a benefit. Or people might try and come in and win your pants. If we get a back log of clothes we could always donate to the local homeless shelter."

Slim thought about that, "True. But we would of course wash all the clothes before we donate them. It would extend our Saturday Night Laundry Night."

"Nope." She said popping her 'p'. "We include them into the pool hall's normal laundry. I would not want to extend our laundry night, because after laundry is our date night." She came up and put her arms around Slim's neck.

Howard looked nauseated and stuck his fingers in his ears, "La-la-la-la-la." The cute girl came back over and put her arms around him, "We have many date nights after Howie does the maintenance on the wireless here." Now it was Slim's turn to look distressed.

That seem to break up the rest of the group. "Missy, please see those pants are laundered and then donated to the local homeless shelter. They may appreciate the small sizes."

Missy nodded and headed for the back. Looking around and noticing that it was just the regulars in here, the blond planted a big kiss onto Slim's lips. He returned the kiss for exactly three seconds and then gently pulled away.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me something."

Looking him in the eyes she wickedly grinned, "And what would that be Moon-Pie?"

Taking on an affronted look, he slipped out of her embrace and reached over and picked up the car keys saying, "You know only my Mee-Maw is allowed to call me that."

"Yeah, yeah."

"What am I going to do with a car, as I don't drive?" He handed her the car keys, "At least now I don't have to worry about that 'Check-Engine' light in your car." 

Finis


End file.
